You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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