Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
