some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
