Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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