I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
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