It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
