I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
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I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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