I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
