This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
