A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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