my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
