Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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