Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
