i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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