sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
