Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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