He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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