There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
