Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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