We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
