Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize