Tell her she can't have a vagina
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
