I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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