I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
