just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I look better un-naked...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
