My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
