i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
