my phone needs a breathalizer
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
