I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
