my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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