I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
