She is in my trunk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
