i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just invented taco cereal.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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