Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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