Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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