he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm too high and old for this...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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