She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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