I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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