Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
