she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
