I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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