Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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