I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
