omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
