Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
