Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
