Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
