found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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