M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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