Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
