Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
