Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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