No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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