This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
