There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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