eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
