I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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