the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
