Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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