god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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