y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
dude. I can hear the air.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
