All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
