marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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