i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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