Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
