I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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