Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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