If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
