i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
