I think my vagina is haunted
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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