one two three fourrrrnication!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
