i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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