i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
