weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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