I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
