i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
