Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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