I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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