Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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