do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
